It got weird, didn’t it?

Today I had the unfortunate displeasure of seeing the Midas commercial where the guy is driving his pickup truck in a circle and talking to a golden hand sitting in the front seat (Apparently, the Midas Touch.) And I started to think, “Okay, that’s creepy. But would be even creepier if it were in black and white.”

That’s when I took to Photoshop to present to you my Top Things That Shouldn’t be Creepy but Totes are When Changed to Grainy Black and White. I think that headline is pretty much self-explanatory.

The Midas Touch:

Why does the black and white version make it look like the greasiest hand ever?

A cute little puppy playing with his squeaky toy:

If you’ve never seen “Hellraiser” just Google the character Chatterer and you’ll get it.

Carla Hall:

She doesn’t just bar-be-que ribs, she steals yours, packs them in ice and sells them illegally to fund a human trafficking ring.

This beer I found in the back of my fridge:

One is the elixir of love, the other made from the blood of a Hydra. You are free to decide which is which.

Boats docked in Seattle’s Lake Union:

Why are all my captions and asides veering into mythology today?

My dog’s butt:

Okay, now I need to clarify, my dog’s ass isn’t this bulbous. It’s just not. It’s something about the angle and the lighting and the “freshman fifteen…”

Condiments:

F*** mayo. F*** it sideways.

No doggies, beers or Carla Halls were harmed in the creation of this blog post. But it’s okay if mayonnaise gets harmed because it’s evil in all situations and therefore must be destroyed.